Car Brand's Cologne - What We Guess They Smell Like

Around this time of year, the thoughts of many will turn towards Valentines Day - and the challenges it brings with regards to buying gifts. Perfume is a relentlessly popular choice, for both men and women, alongside mainstays such as flowers, chocolates and lacy underwear. As youd expect, with a litany of tastelessly branded products occupying their catalogues alongside the cars themselves, some carmakers will even sell you a fragrance.

Ferrari claim their Red Eau de Toilette is an explosion of vitality emphasized by fresh citrus notes - but what does it actually smell like? Who knows? Who cares?
So, based on some massive, hasty generalisations - here are a few more accurate descriptions of what we think these fragrances smell like.


Porsche perfume
What they say:
Top notes are grapefruit, bergamot and rosemary; middle notes are neroli, sea notes and violet leaf; base notes are cedar, patchouli and amber
What we guess it smells like:
A hint of Regaine forms the basis of this unique fragrance. Strong overtones of perspiration, smug self-satisfaction and squash balls complete the package.
(Note: the bottle, lid and box are cost options.)


Ferrari Cologne
What they say:
Red. The colour of success. The colour which made Ferrari famous all over the world, is the inspiring concept for the first Ferrari Fragrance. The fragrance is an explosion of vitality emphasized by fresh citrus notes.
What we guess it smells like:
A delicate base of smoldering 458, reinforced by heady top notes of flammable industrial glue and a (literal) explosion of woven carbon fibre.


Cadillac Cologne
What they say:
Top notes of bergamot zest, wild mint and luxurious chamomile, followed by orange blossom, rich cinnamon and Tonka bean in the heart. Bottom notes of fresh cedar, genuine vetiver and smouldering incense.
What we guess it smells like:
Heavily laced with the scent of Floridian Retirement Home - this fragrance screams unwarranted patriotism. The sharp top-notes of brandy and denture cream round it off.


Lotus Cologne
What they say:
Top notes of Calabrian lemon and elemi; a heart of violet, lilac, geranium and lavender, and base notes of labdanum absolute, papyrus and moss.
What we guess it smells like:
A hint of desperation, a pinch of delusion, and a dash of impending insolvency mark this scent out from the competition.


Mercedes Cologne
What they say:
Top notes are bergamot, amalfi lemon and mandarin orange; middle notes are galbanum, nutmeg, violet and pepper; base notes are vetiver, patchouli and virginia cedar.
What we guess it smells like:
The distinctive aroma of bratwurst is laced with sauerkraut and just a hint of leather. Running beneath these fragrant scents is the fresh smell of a perfectly manicured putting green.
What other manufacturers need a cologne, how would they smell? Let us know in the comment below.
For example, here's what we reckon a TVR cologne would smell of:
A heavy, antiquated fragrance with oily overtones, the distinct aroma of fresh fiberglass complements the heady mix of 98RON and glue.
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