Am I faster than a movie star? Mat Watson takes on Orlando Bloom

I’ve been drag racing cars on camera for almost a decade now, and I’d like to think I’m pretty good at getting the maximum performance from them in a straight line. It’s never good to rest on your laurels though, so I’ve set myself a challenge.

I’ve got three Porsche Cayennes, the fastest hybrid, petrol and electric versions, and I’m going to launch them from 0-60mph and time them over the standing quarter mile. I’ll then be handing over to Orlando Bloom, star of films such as Pirates of the Caribbean and the Gran Turismo movie, and he’ll see if he can beat my times.

Here’s what happened in each car.

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Porsche Cayenne Turbo E-Hybrid

Let’s start with the plug-in hybrid Cayenne. It’s the “I go to the gym, but I also recycle” Porsche, because it can run on electric power alone as well as its 4.0-litre twin-turbocharged V8 engine.

Combined, the engine and electric motor make 739hp and 949Nm of torque. This is sent to all four wheels, but it is rather heavy. The Cayenne Turbo E-Hybrid tips the scales at almost 2.6 tonnes.

I flipped a coin with Orlando to choose who goes first, and I won. After some careful consideration, I decided to let the movie star go first to warm up the tyres for me.

Porsche says this car will do 0-60mph in 3.7 seconds, and Orlando managed to get 4.0 seconds from it before covering the quarter mile in 12.6 seconds.

Now it was my turn, and I decided to switch the traction control and stability management system off. This clearly gave me the edge, because I launched it from 0-60mph in 3.8 seconds, and completed the quarter-mile in 12.3 seconds. That’s one-nil to yours truly.

Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT

Now it’s time for the petrol-powered offering. We don’t get the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT in the UK anymore thanks to our strict emissions regulations, and that’s a shame because it’s completely bonkers.

This family SUV has been set up for the track as well as a school run. It has a titanium exhaust, uprated suspension and it’s been stripped of some weight as well – coming in at 2,245kg.

Under the bonnet is a 4.0-litre twin-turbocharged V8 engine with 650hp and 843Nm of torque, and this is sent to all four wheels. Porsche says it’ll do 0-60mph in 3.1 seconds, but how close can we get to that time?

I won the coin toss again, so Orlando went first. He actually owns one of these cars, so I was expecting great things. Zero-60mph flew by in 3.6 seconds, before crossing the quarter-mile mark in 12.2 seconds. That’ll take some beating.

And I had my excuses lined up as soon as my run was over. After doing 0-60mph in 3.9 seconds and completing the quarter mile in 12.4 seconds, Orlando and I both agreed that the car’s launch didn’t feel as brutal the second time around. Maybe the clutch was a bit too hot? Either way, that makes it one all.

New Porsche Cayenne Turbo Electric

This is the all-new Porsche Cayenne Turbo Electric, and it’s insane. It has two electric motors which kick out a combined 1,139hp and 1,500Nm of torque, although at almost 2.7 tonnes it is the heaviest car here.

I managed to win three out of three in the final coin toss, but decided that I would go first. You see electric cars tend to lose power as the battery drains, so maybe this would work in my favour.

Porsche says this car will do 0-60mph in 2.4 seconds, but I did it in 2.6 seconds. With me behind the wheel, the Cayenne Turbo Electric did the quarter-mile in just 10.2 seconds. That’s incredible for a massive SUV, and now it was time for me to nervously hand over to Orlando for the deciding run.

And after seeing 0-60mph in 2.62 seconds on my specialist timing gear, I thought I had this in the bag. But despite the slower launch, he did the quarter mile in 10.16 seconds – a few hundredths quicker than me. Bugger.

So where does that leave us? Well it’s the quarter-mile time which matters in a drag race, and Orlando Bloom beat me in that regard. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

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