You might be the meekest, most genteel driver with a smartphone full of whale songs, but get behind the wheel of one of these cars and you’ll clear the overtaking lane of the motorway without batting an eyelid. You see, some cars just look angry – even when they’re sitting still.
You don’t even have to buy a supercar to get the scare factor – some of our top angry cars wouldn’t look out of place crammed into inner-city parking bays. We’ve included a link to the review section for each car that’s still available, so you can find out what it’s like to live with when it’s not chewing your dog in half.
The Toyota Aygo used to be an inoffensively styled city car that impressed critics with the way it drives.
The new one looks like a ninja that wants to stab something. In the heart.
It’s not a happy car. You can soften the rage-face by ordering it with a less contrasting ‘X’ graphic, but we’d go for the striking black-on-orange look for maximum anger. We can only assume Toyota made a typo when they penned the Aygo’s tagline: ‘Go fun yourself.’ Bold move.
Finally, a car that looks like shrapnel. If we were writing this list two years ago, then Lamborghini’s previous car-that-looks-like-a-weapon, the Reventon, would’ve featured. But since then the Italian nut-cases have been let loose with a large block of clay and a machete. The result is great – and expensive, at £2.8million – but we feel you’d look a bit silly sat at 40mph on the M3 in one, and it’s perhaps best left on an 80s-style poster with a flaming background.
OK, hear us out. Most right-thinking folk would rate Renault’s diddy electric car as the most likely automobile to retire from the pub at 7pm so it can get home, take a long bath surrounded by jasmine-scented candles and indulge in a naughty tub of frozen yoghurt while watching re-runs of Lassie.
Those right-thinking folk haven’t stared the Renault Twizy in the face.
The more you look, the more you realise this thing wants to hurt you. A pair of goggly headlight-shaped eyes are joined by a furrowed brow and a screaming mouth that doubles as a flap to cover the charging point. Top it off with a giant Jimmy Hill chin and we wouldn’t be surprised to walk up to a Twizy first thing in the morning and find a trickle of blood coming from its mouth, showing where the butter-wouldn’t-melt electric hero had recharged from a few neighbourhood kittens in the night. Beware.
Porsche drivers didn’t have the best reputation when the Cayenne was first released back in 2002, so combining one of Germany’s more divisive brands with a large, powerful, intimidating 4×4 was a recipe for ‘get out of my way’ fast-lane motorway antics.
Luckily, dozens of car modification companies thought they could improve the Cayenne’s already brutish looks. To turn an angry car into a full-on squinting automotive bout of ‘roid rage, you just need to add a deeper bumper and a lumpy bonnet. You can almost see the veins bulging on its neck… best not push it over the edge by suggesting it takes a course of laxatives and some herbal tea.
Austin Healey Sprite
The frog-eyed Sprite is one of the most misunderstood cars in history. Far from being a cutesy roadster with a chirpy approach to life, it’s actually a hell-bent murderer from one of Hollywood’s darkest thrillers. You know, the sort that sports a manic grin or smiling clown mask and cackles while peppering the walls with the blood of its victims. Never trust anything that looks this happy, all the time.
Take another look at the Sprite. Not so cute now, huh?
Audi A1 quattro
Like a yappy terrier with pointy teeth and a taste for human ankles, the Audi A1 quattro is a small-but-potent bundle of rage. Luckily it was only produced as a limited edition (although the similar but less mad Audi S1 is now available), because we’re not sure we can handle seeing its combination of red-eyed headlights or macho grille-beard more than once in a blue moon.
If that wasn’t enough, red wheel centre caps and large contrasting swathes of satan’s-own metallic black complete the image that the A1 quattro doesn’t want to be driven gently. Perhaps its angry small-man syndrome was fuelled by the fact that it cost about £50,000 and nobody wanted to spend that on a small city car. Maybe the angry terrier just wants to be loved…
Now for the ugly…
Not scared yet? You will be once you’ve had a look at carwow’s list of ugly cars. It took us a while to pull it together without needing a bucket, but we got there by peeking through our fingers…